Beobaxter (beobaxter) wrote,
Beobaxter
beobaxter

Лед тронулся, товарищи заседатели ревтрибунала! :)

Самоотверженными усилиями товарища george-ha подготовлен гораздо более литературный перевод вот этой истории:

  - So, what's the problem? - Fox gave a surprised look to Wolf.
  - Look, the funny creature doesn`t wanna gimme my damn breakfast! – Wolf pointed to Hedgehog with his fork. The latter has moved further away from an empty plate and curled into a pricky ball.
  - What do you mean – doesn’t want?
  - He keeps saying "no", - Bear confirmed. - Like, everybody may stay hungry, and he doesn’t give any damn care about it!
  - Have you explained him the consequenses of his destructive and antisocial behaviour?
  - Dozens of times – Wolf confirmed with a tired voice. - I just wanna have him for breakfast. Is there anything really special? And you know, the cowardly beast keeps hissing and even threatens me with his long-range pricky spines!
  - Let`s have a deal. - Fox exclaimed enthusiastically. – We have much to offer him in return. For instance, what about this nice and fat earthworm? It makes a perfectly lucrative deal. Breakfast for breakfast, it`s a win-win situation!
  - Yes, I have suggested that! Mutual consessions are the basics of civilized behavior. As a sign of our goodwill, we are eager to surrender our rights of this perfect and delicious earthworm to our respected partner. But he hasn`t accepted even our best consessions. He hasn’t take the worm, silly bastard. - Wolf pricked his fork into Hedgehog, who immediately hissed and spread out his sharp spines.
  - Hedgehog, could you give us a comment on your behaviour? – Fox said. – Please keep in mind that you are not the only being in the wood. You can’t live in a society and be free from it. All socially responsible creatures understand this, and you should act in a complete agreement with the established social norms.
  Hedgehog snorted.
  - Hedgehog, we are trying to negociate for your best benefit! – Bear joined the conversation, putting his arm around Wolf and Fox. - We must find a consensus decision!
  - I don’t need it- Hedgehog grunted. - You may finish these negotiations.
  - But you have come here!
  - I hasn't come. This is my burrow. It's you guys who come here.
  Fox looked around: - For a strange reason nobody can see your burrow around here.
  - Wolf has sat down on it. So I can’t get back home.
  - That`s it! - Fox grinned from ear to ear. - Since Wolf is sitting on it, then it's his burrow, and not yours. Enough of these silly things. How much do you need in return: two dishes? Three? Five?
  - None. I don’t wanna be eaten.
  - But why? It's absolutely normal order of things, a common practice.
  - I will die and disappear because of it, - Hedgehog explained.
  - What does it mean - disappear? - Fox exclaimed indignantly. – have you ever heard about the law of conservation? Nothing disappears, it just turns into something else.
  - Into shit.
  - And what exactly don't you like? Rabbits will become shit and squirrels will follow suit. This is a natural course of things. Why do you consider yourself as an outstanding exception?
  - I'm not gonna become a piece of shit. I am Hedgehog.
  The three visitors were stuck by surprise.
  - He's dumb, - Bear .- How, how should we explain it to him?
  - I understand. I just don't agree.
  - You're absolutely uncooperative!
  Hedgehog silently spread out his spines.
  - This is an act of open, unprovoked and outrageous aggression, - Fox said. - Hedgehog, if you won`t let you eat now, it may end up badly for you.
  Hedgehog for some reason did not answer. Others looked at each other.
  - Because of a some stubborn idiot, our dear friend Wolf hasn`t had breakfast today. Incidentally, me too. – Fox added coldly. - We should put an end to this farce. Wolf, you show him!
  Wolf got up, opened his jaws so wide that one could accomodate Bear inside there, and quickly gulped Hedgehog.
  - What was that idiot counting on? – Fox asked rhetorically.
  - ... Wolf, what's wrong? - Bear asked worringly. - Are you okay?
  - He... He... – Wolf murmured incomprehensibly, holding his stomach. - He is pricking.
  - What an impudence, - Fox said. – Doesn`t he realize that he is in private property? Within a private area, you might say.
  - How to make him understand that now? – Bear nodded thoughtfully.
  - It hurts! - Wolf howled on them. - He keeps pricking!
  - But he is probably dead already, - Fox said calmingly. - He can't prick you for a long time. Wait a minute, and he will become a normal shit, like all of them.
  Wolf howled in such tone that Fox pulled away, just in case.
  - We will go, perhaps. The situation is solved in principle, and I need to pick out someone for breakfast.
  Walking away, Fox and Bear heard Wolf`s faint plaintive howl.

  -... Civilizing the hedgehogs is still a priority on the agenda. They continue to violate internationally accepted jungle law. - Fox said at the next meeting with the Bear. - By the way, haven't you seen Wolf? For some reason he hasn`t show up during a whole week. What if something happend to him and we are completely ignorant about that?

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